Goong hay fat choy, people!

You'll forgive me if I didn't spell that properly.

Well, after 12 long years, it's finally the year of the Dog again. According to tradition, Dogs are loyal, honest, inspiring, eccecntric, and, eventually, house broken. They can also be stubborn and selfish. Also, they traditionally don't care about money, yet always seem to have it.

Further research on about.com reveals that 2006 is specifically the "Male Fire Dog Year." I assume this means that this is the year that firehouse dalmations will assume the role of dominant species, but I've been wrong before. I'm very fearful for the inevitable arrival of the "Female Metal Snake Year."

Recent Dog years include 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, and 1994.

Some famous Dogs include Ava Gardner, George W. Bush, David Bowie, Bill Clinton,, Benji, Michael Jackson, Dakota Fanning, Lassie, Sylvester Stallone, Elvis Presley, Uma Thurman, Madonna, Cujo, and Rush Coil.

As for me, I was born in the year of the Rat. That means I'm charming, sentimental, intellectual, good at mazes, and fond of growth-hormone saturated food pellets.  Some famous rats include William Shakespeare, Rikki Tikki Tavi, Queen Elizabeth, Truman Capote, and Professor Rattigan.

Moving on, I've created my own twelve-year-cycle zodiac calendar.

Dragon: Gotta keep the dragon, since dragons are bad ass. Fittingly, people born in the Year of the Dragon are bad ass and can hold their liquor.

Gorilla: Like the monkey, but stronger. Gorillas are strong-willed and intelligent. They also have great aim when it comes to throwing things. Like feces.

Eagle: I realized the only bird on the current zodiac calendar is the rooster, which can't even fly. Eagles are leaders, born carnivores, and patriotic. Eagles are partial to the colors red, white, and blue and censorship.

Werewolf: Like the dog, but cooler. Werewolves are family-oriented and well organized, but tend to lose their cool under pressure or a full moon.

Moose: Stubborn and emotionally immovable, the moose is a relic, preferring tradition and environmentalism to progress. They often express this sentiment by owning SUVs.

Sheep with a Mohawk: I'm no opponent of sheep. But regular sheep are too docile and overly open to suggestion. My zodiac includes Sheep with Mohawks, who, instead of being led about by dogma and soggy logic, smoke on street corners, stick it to the man, and wear their wool with generous helpings of craft glue and green dye.

Dolphin: There are no water species in the current zodiac. Dolphins are good communicators, cool under pressure, and have few cares in this world save having sexual intercourse for pleasure and munching on the occasional herring.

Crocodile with a Jetpack: Actually, this is from an inside joke.

Porcupine: Porcupines are quiet, introverted, and harmless until you corner them. When that happens, they go into defense mode and whup you like that nerd in your 12th grade physics class who, as you found out the hard way, has a black belt in jujitsu. 

Duck-billed Platypus: Come on! It's a mammal that lays eggs and has a bill like a duck! Platys are fun-loving, nurturing, and have poisonsous spines on their hind legs.

Gecko: Snakes are cool, but they aren't geckos. Geckos prefer basking in the sun to work, so are generally considered lazy, though a few have found success in the car insurance industry.

Velociraptor: Raptors are shrewd, ambitious, and hunt in packs. Many dislike raptors for their (often literally) cut-throat business tactics, but would never say it to their faces.